Be the Compliment that Lasts

(and lasts and lasts and lasts)

I was listening to an episode of Good Hang with Amy Poehler the other day and she brought up a comment made to her when she was younger:

“He said my laugh sounded like a bird after someone stepped on its foot.”

It’s something she’s remembered and thought about for decades and hearing her describe it, I couldn’t help but think of the different things that have been said to me—to each of us. The comments that nestle under the surface of our skin and just STAY.

When I was in middle school, a science teacher once told me, “you look so weird with your hair down.”

At the time, my once straight hair was inflating, becoming curly and frizzy and hard to contain. Aside from acne, it was one of the most visible signs of my walk through puberty, and it was the main reason I asked for a straightener for my twelfth birthday.

I don’t remember if my hair was straight or natural the day I walked into that science class, only that I was told I looked “weird.” So for the next five or six years, I rarely wore my hair down. Each day I’d pull it up into a tight ponytail or pile it on top of my head in a messy bun—partially because of the style at the time, sure, but also because I didn’t want to look weird.

As I write this, other comments are bubbling to the surface. Tiny little things (and a few big ones) that have been stored in my memory for one reason or another—things that hurt my feelings or just caught me completely off guard. And if I’m honest, I’m also wondering/worrying about the things that I may have said in the past that have stuck with people I’ve come into contact with.

At times, we are all young and immature and unaware of the way our words can hurt, let alone stay. But I think it’s important to note the latter.

As we get older and gain perspective, awareness, and compassion, we can utilize the stickiness of words—their ability to last and last in our memories—for good.

For example, over a decade ago now I was part of a Bible study group that met a few times a month. We’d sit in a cozy living room and ask each other about our weeks; we’d make prayer requests and then dive into a chapter of the book we were reading.

One night, as a woman was praying, she brought up each person in our group, thanking God for their kindness, graciousness, and compassion—gifts she saw in them that she was grateful to be blessed by. When she got to me, she said, “thank you for her heart!”

At the time, I was very consumed by body image and had a hard time seeing around it in the day to day. So to be complimented for the very core of who I was was both overwhelming and healing. It caught me off guard in the kindest of ways, and I’ve always remembered and cherished it.

I think the world needs more of those words, those comments. We need to remember that our words have the power to both hurt and heal. To realize that just as something small might accidentally sting, so too can something small rebuild a spirit that has been broken—and keep rebuilding it, year after year.

Let us all strive to give compliments that last. To be that intentional voice that speaks goodness into someone’s soul when they might need it most.

“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.” Romans 12:9