Day 7 (The Twelve Days of Christmas)

Matthew 18:21-22

“At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, ‘Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?’ Jesus replied, ‘Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.’” Matthew 18:21-22

Seventy times seven is four hundred and ninety.

490!!

And while at first that number seems massive, unreachable, because it seems unlikely that you would have (and keep) someone in your life that would need to ask for forgiveness that many times, when we consider how long some relationships (romantic, familial or otherwise) can last, it doesn’t seem as daunting. Especially when we consider (and hope) that most acts needing forgiveness would be minor infractions (getting snippy on a bad day, making a selfish choice, accidentally hurting someone’s feelings) rather than major acts of harm.

Still, it’s hard to get your feelings hurt, sometimes it’s hard to say sorry, and sometimes it’s hard to forgive someone. And when tragedy, grief, and shame enter the picture, everything gets more complicated.

One thing I never really considered with this verse however, is how it pertains to those we wouldn’t immediately call “brother or sister” as Peter does.

Like a stranger who steals from you, burglarizes your house, commits physical harm to you or a close friend or family member; someone who scams you online, screams at you in traffic, or bumps into you in a rush and then keeps moving without offering an explanation or apology. Drastic and tragic crimes come to mind as well, but I don’t think I need to spell those out.

There is something so…difficult about hearing Jesus’ words in the context of these people. People who don’t have shared history with you and thus encourage a need for peace or a necessity of forgiveness. People that haven’t shown you a different side of themselves that offers perspective and provokes mercy and grace. People that do things that leave you asking, perhaps for the rest of your life, why?

When it comes to extreme crimes, I’ve often caught myself saying, “I could never” in regards to forgiveness. Because the anger would go too deep, the pain would forever cripple that part of my heart, and the need to cling to the grudge would be too enticing.

But I’ve seen people do it.

I’ve seen people offer kindness and forgiveness to those who seemingly don’t deserve it. And I look on in both awe and, if I’m honest, frustration.

Because HOW?

How can you just release them from what they did? I wonder.

But I’ve come to realize, that that’s not what forgiveness is.

This article defines forgiveness as:

“a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness” while also stipulating that forgiveness does not “gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you…nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses.”

In other words, to forgive someone is to surrender the resentment and anger that is holding us captive and becoming an idol in our lives, so that we might be afforded the opportunity to move forward. Because when darkness acts, when it consumes someone, causing them to commit a crime against another person, and then we let the confounding grief take hold of us and encourage us to seek revenge, we become part of that darkness. We let it control us, and we give it more feet, more arms, more reach in the world.

But when we choose to forgive, to turn those hard feelings over to God, we shine light on that darkness, we cast it away from us, and from those it was targeting with us.

I think that Jesus gives Peter such a big number because he doesn’t want the option not to forgive to feel in reach. He wants us to forgive and keep forgiving, to keep casting out that darkness, and to keep surrendering that hurt and grief and anger over to God because He is the ultimate provider of justice.

Ecclesiastes 3:17 says, “God will bring into judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time to judge every deed.”

And Romans 12:19 says, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

Sometimes forgiveness feels impossible.

And sometimes, when we have a difficult person in our lives, we look at that number (490) and we shake our heads at Jesus, like, no way. But I don’t think we are meant to take it literally. And I don’t think Jesus intended for us to blindly forgive harmful people, keeping them in our lives solely because we “have to.”

No, I think that with this verse Jesus is saying to choose God over and over, to surrender hard feelings, hard situations, deep wounds, and longstanding grudges to him not only once or twice, but again and again and again.

It is not our responsibility (or ability) to provoke atonement from those who hurt us, but it is our daily and lifelong opportunity to choose forgiveness so as not to fuel the fire of darkness and hate.

Just like the lesson of walking the second mile, I think forgiveness can often do more for a person (you, yes, but also for the person needing forgiveness) than revenge or reaction.

Forgiveness can be off putting, as can compassion, especially when we don’t think we deserve it. There are few clearer signs of something greater within us, of someone greater than these offerings of mercy and grace. And that’s what God asks that we bring to this world: a window to Him.

And not just one window, not two, not seven—you get it.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32