From a Place of Misunderstanding

I still trust you.

Just over a year ago, I released a book called Pieces Into Place.

It is the true story of a couple who was brought together from opposite sides of the world, got married, moved to China, and then made their way to the United States during the COVID-19 pandemic, shortly after their twin boys were born.

It is a wild story, one that inspired my own faith as I heard it, and the title comes from the ways in which you can see God’s hand at work in their lives from the very beginning, perfectly putting the pieces into place to get them where they needed to be.

These kinds of stories can stick with us, encouraging us to remain faithful in times of waiting, struggle, heartbreak, or loss. But they can also make us restless, frustrated, bitter even, when we don’t see the clear pieces in our own lives. When the questions pile up and the path doesn’t make sense and the closed doors are exhausting and the separation between where we are and where we thought we’d be seems vast.

For me, it is in times like these when I start to get desperate and reach. When I try to design my own road map and make the pieces fit together.

I pray and pray for signs and confirmation, anything that promises to give me a peek of the big picture so that I might maintain my faith in its author.

But the more and more that I’ve been confronted with this struggle, this impatience, this frustration, the more I’ve realized that what I’m asking for is not faith but sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7) And thus it is not so much a prayer as it is a bargain. A contract.

Show me what you’re working on, God—prove to me that you’re working on something good—and I will stick around. Give me a look behind the curtain so I can decide whether or not I want to stay for the show.

But chances are, even if God put all his cards on the table, even if he showed us every piece and explained his entire plan for the universe, it likely wouldn’t be what we want to hear. Because so often we don’t pray for God to show us his plan, we ask him to confirm that he is following our plan.

And unfortunately, that’s just not how it works.

God can’t show us every piece and where it fits—not because he’s incapable, but because we would be incapable of understanding. We are not meant to know the inner workings of his plans—and frankly, at first glance, we might not even like the look of those plans.

Hmm, we might think as He shows us his plans for the universe and how our unique design fits into this ultimate mission for good, I don’t see the part where my financial burden is lifted, or where I have a baby, or where we finally get the house we always dreamed of, or where I avoid this hard season that’s been hunting me down.

So God doesn’t show us everything. Instead he asks us to have faith that his plans are good—that He is good.

And while there is no shame in being confused, frustrated, discouraged, disheartened, or even doubtful, God asks that we remain faithful. He asks that we pray, even from a place of misunderstanding.

From a place of misunderstanding, I still trust you.

From a place where I can’t see how the pieces fit together, I trust that you see it.

From a place where it feels like nothing is as it should be, I believe that you are making it right.

From a place where I don’t understand the why, I pray you would strengthen my faith in the who.