I don’t remember where I read it, but I once saw someone compare the people who live in Los Angeles vs. New York, saying that the people in LA are “nice but not kind” while the people in New York are “kind but not nice.”
It is a generalization, of course, but in my experience, makes sense. And while it wasn’t an attack on people from either state, having grown up in the Los Angeles area, it felt a bit like a call to action—I don’t to be among those who are only “nice.” I want to be kind, too.
So let’s look at the difference, according to Merriam Webster.
nice (adj.): pleasing, agreeable; appropriate, fitting; virtuous, respectable.
kind (adj.): of a sympathetic or helpful nature; gentle; affectionate, loving.
Even at a quick glance, we can see that “nice” is perceived at a surface level. To find something appropriate, pleasing, fitting, etc., we need only look, and as people in a hurry, people who are busy, people who are consumed with the problems and worries of our own lives, we often try very hard to simply present that look.
A polite smile, a quiet thank you, a withholding of negativity, a shallow, “good, how are you?” We offer these things in our day-to-day lives like tokens to a machine. They keep conversations brief, they go with the flow, they offer what is expected in most interactions.
But niceness has a limit, it ticks like a bomb beneath the surface. It holds hands with patience but not too tight. Because like the image we project with our niceness, we expect that niceness back, and when we don’t get it, we might roll our eyes, we might act with attitude, we might shake our heads defeatedly, like, “I tried to be nice, and look what you did!” In many ways, “nice” can come naturally to us, it can be easy to fake, it can be something we do on autopilot.
Kindness on the other hand, is not only found beneath the surface but requires effort to mine. When we act with kindness, we are acting out of sympathy, empathy, gentleness. Kindness considers the perspective of another person, it sets aside frustrations in favor of extending grace and compassion. Kindness casts out selfishness, pride, and attitude. Kindness is genuine. Kindness does not come naturally, and as such is a quality we have to work on, pray for, and continually choose.
When we look in the Bible, the word “kindness” is found almost fifty times, and the word “kind” is found closer to the hundreds. By comparison, “nice” is only found four times in the New Living Translation—and mostly refers to “nice things”—but in many other translations is not found at all.
Does this mean God doesn’t want us to be nice? I don’t think so.
It’s important to be nice!
But in many ways, I feel like niceness can be a request for the bare minimum—“just be nice, please”—and God asks that we pursue more. He asks us to be kind.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud.” 1 Corinthians 13:4
“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Colossians 3:12
“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23
To be kind is to be like Jesus, to be kind is to be love. Kindness is not only something we need to put on, but something we are given as a gift by the Holy Spirit—a fruit.
It is not easy to be kind, especially in the hustle and bustle of daily life, but it is kindness that the world needs more of, kindness that offers connection, kindness that fosters love, kindness that brings peace to chaos.
So while it doesn’t hurt to be nice, let us dig deep and find more chances to be kind.
I love this❣️
XO
It is definitely a subtle difference. I always try to be both!! <3